Going Private

Well I have decided to go private with my blog as I have noticed it's public status is currently stifling my writing process. So I am giving my readers a heads up. Email me if you wish to be continue reading. tlhowlett@gmail.com

What we have been up to....

Okay so I don't mean to toot my own horn but when the child development experts say read to your child everyday I actually listen. I really really really think reading is important. Duh, right? Carina has know her letters for years and for at least a year has know what sound each letter says. BUT she just hasn't had a lot of luck putting the sounds together and actually reading. This is exceptionally difficult for me. Why? It is like grating to my soul to watch Carina struggle with reading. I suppose in part at least it is my own childhood issues with reading that contribute to my angst. When I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade I spent sometime in the Resource Room in school getting some additional help with reading skills. I really want her to read. We are trying and have had the BOB books for sometime now. I was thinking that there was a motivational issue here, after all nearly everything Carina has attempted to master has come very easily for her. She spoke at an early age and before that was signing. She walked at 9 months. Even skiing, which she has all but given up at this point, came pretty easy for her. Uh the skiing, I'll save that anguish for another post. So back to reading and motivation...there is a salon at the mall that has child sized pedicure stations. Complete with cute chairs; a bear and a princess and each chair has a DVD player. So I convinced Carina that once we get through the BOB books, there are 12 in a packet, that we could go get a pedicure. We went for a visit to help reinforce just how cool it will be and Matt conveyed our strategy to the technician there who, like many nail techs speaks Vietnamese considerably better then English but she jumped right on board with the story that Carina would in fact have to be able to read before she could get a pedicure.

Good Bye 4, Hello 5

What a whirlwind of a year this little bug has had. We started this year with a trip to Disney World and ended with the tragic loss of her father. Everyday I am awed by the amazing child who I have to honor of calling my daughter. Carina is smart, beautiful, funny, compassionate, a great snugger and is one of the most resilient children I have ever met. To know Carina is to love Carina.

Happy Birthday baby!

Holiday Performance

Today is the first in a lifetime of missed opportunities. This would be Travis weekend and after Carina's performance he likely would have taken her for the weekend. Carina really wanted her dad there tonight. I really wanted Travis there tonight. Those of you who are reading this blog and love the muse of it, Cherise her, undeniably. But the love a parent has for their child can only be shared between the parents. I no longer have a co-parent to whisper to or give a knowing glace to during these moments of shear parental pride.

I invited Olin, Travis brother, to come along. He has agreed to try to step in a fill in the huge gap that has been left by Travis passing. I am so thankful for his presents tonight. Facing the performance by myself is more then I could have barred today.

I checked the battery before this started but didn't think about all the space that was taken up on the memory card... Carina's random photos of the dog, me texting, her eye, my yoga mat, the cabinets, the carpet..............

Goodbye

I have to say goodbye for the last time to the man who loved me to the best of his abilities for nearly 14 years. I have to say goodbye the man who gave me our buggy. I would have made our last goodbye last longer if I would have known. I would have told you that despite the eventual end to our relationship as husband and wife that I loved you. I loved the part of you who loved our daughter ferociously. I loved the part of you who could outfit a friend for whatever outdoor endeavor you could convince them to go on at a moments notice. I loved the part of you who always made sure my backpack was packed, even if I thought I was taking WAY to much stuff. I loved the part of you who after 14 years could still come up with little sayings that I had never heard before that would always make me giggle. You'd always be like "what" and always say "I just don't know where you come up with these things". I loved the public persona that you were able to put on. I loved that you could find common ground with a stranger and strike up a conversation. I loved your trusting nature that once caused you to give a stranger $20.00 because he swore he just needed to borrow it. I loved that part of you who used to be able to make the best of a situation. Like camping out in the cab of a truck because when we arrived at our campsite it was pouring down rain. I loved that you helped me experience life. I would never have skied without you, I would never have snorkeled the San Juan's or the Caribbean without you. I would have never kayaked without you. I would never have boogie boarded if it wasn't for you.

I am choosing today to focus on the good times we shared as a family. It is these moments that I will hold in my heart forever and relish in retelling Carina.

Thank you for being in Carina and I's life if only for so short a time.

Run for Congo

So as I explained in my previous post Run for Congo was my June run and it started off being a run that Travis and I were gonna do then it fit nicely with Took and I's commitment to one run a month for the rest of the year so Took was going to join us, and then I thought who cool it would be to do with my sister in law Megan because she has gotten into this whole running thing to and this race is about the sisterhood of women so I had Megan, then I enlisted a friend from work as well as my friend Ramata who was the whole catalyst for even doing this run. I could of had team Tamara (or something more inspiring).

Well Travis dropped out pretty quickly and he went kayaking this morning. Took realized a few weeks ago that she wasn't going to be able to be there. The my coworker got bronchitis on Thursday (I guess that is a pretty good reason not to run 3 miles) and then as I am walking to the race this morning Ramata texted me saying she was not feeling well so she wasn't going to make it.

But I had Megan the one person I could depend on to run with today. Our cheering section consisted of our 4 children, her husband( and my brother) Jeremy and my mom.

It was a beautiful run through Forest Park. We ran along side a creek and up up up the hillside. It was straight up but the turning around and heading down was all that much better.
There was a fun run for the kids which I had intended on running with Leila Megan Carina and I....but about 3/4 of the way back Leila came running by and then another 50 feet was Jeremy and Carina. Apparently the girls were tired of waiting and took off.
It was great run for a great cause. Thank you Megan for doing it with me.

Run for Congo

Last year about this time I got a chance to supervise my unit at work. I knew I really wanted to try something different after doing casework for nearly 6 years at the time. And when my then supervisor announced she was going out on medical leave I was excited to give supervision a try. I really enjoyed it, I was so fortunate to have a wonderful team who was very cohesive and cared about the work that we do everyday. Shortly into my supervisor stint the temp in the unit was hired permanently by another branch. It wasn't a surprise, I had given her a glowing recommendation when her to be supervisor called because I actually support people growing and I knew this was the opportunity for her. So as a result I got to try out hiring. It wasn't really the long drawn out state process, just me and the branch manager sitting down with some people who were interested in temping for the agency. We meant only with two people. The first guy was great but it just wasn't the right fit. Then in comes Ramata. A women I will never forget. She had just recently graduated from the school of social work at PSU and speaks at least 5 languages including English, french and two African dialects. Ramata was born and raised in Africa and her mother grew up in the Congo. But this was not something we covered during the interview but rather something I learned later. The branch manager and I decided that Ramata was the right women for the job. She was bright, articulate and compassionate. I was so excited to call her and invite her to work for me. She was and is an amazing caseworker but want I didn't really know when I hired her was what an incredible friend she would become. She is the type of person who will tell you like it is but is the first person to sing your praises when you are worthy of singing about. I like people with big personalities, just look at my husband Travis and my best friend Took. I am attracted to people who are interesting and make the world a special place because they are here. But that is all for another post. I digress. So after forging this friendship with Ramata she invited me to a fundraiser dinner at her church. I invited Travis along and we awkwardly sat down at our table we are not religious people and we do not typically have social engagements let alone in Northeast Portland. But we were soon joined by a lovely women named Ann Shannon. She started off talking with us about her unfortunate luck of having her purse stolen earlier that day(not in Northeast Portland). But then we got to talking about the Run for Congo. And maybe it is just me but when someone says something once I sometimes pretend like I know what they are talking about but then she brought it up again and so I asked "what is the run for Congo" and so Ann proceeded to tell us about her daughter Laura Shannon and the book that she had written chronicling the plight of the Congolese women. Horrible atrocities which are so unthinkable to the average American women that are common place in the Congo. I knew by the end of our dinner that Ann had been placed at our table for a reason. Travis gave her money for the cause and I knew that I would run in the the Run for Congo. This was such an amazing cause in general but to know someone who's own cultural experience was a part of the Congo made this so meaningful.

I along with my dear friend Took have pledge to run at least one run every month until the end of this year. Last month was the Rum run which was so much fun and my first actual race that I have ever done. But I had such a sense of accomplishment afterwards and I have really enjoyed my run/walks that I have managed to incorporate into my life over the last few months. I never saw myself as a runner. But it has been my solice in a very turbulent time in my life(again a subject for another post that I can't even imagine how I am going to actually write) But running has been what is keeping me grounded and sane I can just put one foot in front of the other and just move forward and it feels so free. So the Run for Congo means so much to me right now and I encourage all of you within range to participate.

http://www.runforcongowomen.org/

and if you can't then donate for an exceptionally worthy cause.

http://www.active.com/donate/RFCWportland2010/THowlet2

Pictures to follow