I hate this hour

After Matt leaves I know it will be a series of battles.  I know I will eventually win because children can only fight sleep for so long.  But it starts with the warning to Carina that her bedtime is approaching.  She will whine that she wants more time, that I am not being nice because she should get to stay up, a request for food because she is starving even though she can get food at anytime( that is before it is actually time to go to bed) today she even told me she didn't love me.  As much as I try to subscribe to love and logic parenting and I did say to her that I thought that that was too bad because I only do nice things for people who love me, it still stung.  She quickly came back with "I am sorry" and" I didn't mean i"t and" I just wanted to say it" and "I want you to know I am sorry" with lots of hugs. 

After we settle that it is in fact her bedtime as it always is on a school night at 8 we have the drama about what she is going to wear because she can never find PJ's even though they have a place in her closet and there is nearly always nightclothes for her to wear. 

Then it is night time story which I enjoy if it weren't for the fact that Logan is also getting sleepy and and whinny and most likely has been whinny since Matt left.  So reading a book with a squirmy whinny little baby on my lap kinda diminishes the fun. 

Then it is lights out inevitably there will be a reemergence of the blue eyed monster because she needs to go potty, a glass of water, a hug, a kiss, to tell me something really important that is an emergency, that more often the not its something like Rosita sat next to me at lunch.   Each time she comes out I send her back and after the first I start adding it to the minutes earlier that she will have to go to bed the next night.  Sometimes this results in her crying because that is what she does when she is overly  tired and then I just feel bad and I want to swoop her up and kiss her and sooth it all away.  Which more ofter then not I do because I love that little bug. 

BUT all the while Logan is fussy, and if he gets to fussy he does this thing where he wants to nurse only to pull away like I am trying to feed him poison.  He eventually losses that battle because thankfully his little body is even less equipped at fighting off sleep. 

But eventually they will both fall asleep and I will have a chance to breath....that is until the dishes that have multiplied since dinner start calling. 

I can do it

Recently my co-worker was talking about how her goal was for her God-Son to learn to tie his shoes and ride a two wheeler by the end of school, and he did...well he is still working on the bike but it is coming, and he is 4. I realized I was in trouble, I have not set the bar high enough for my sweet daughter who is 6.  I went home that day and handed Carina a shoe and sat across from her with a shoe and explained that it was time and that we were gonna work on this everyday for 5 minuted until she got it.  She didn't exactly get it on the first day, I tie my shoes with one loop and it was obvious that the two loop technique made more sense for her.  But on the second day she had it in about 30 seconds.  I suddenly realized I was holding her back by not challenging her.  I'd fall to the floor everyday and tie her shoes and really never told her that I expected her to learn.  I think this is probably pretty common for only children their parents due for them because you can.  But I informed her I would not be tying her shoes again.  And the next day when they came undone in Fred Meyers I stood there while she fell to the ground next to the cheese and I waited and she did it this time.

Along with shoe tying I knew we needed to work on riding her bike without the training wheels.  I am 100% confident that she would already be doing had it not been what transpired a year ago.  We, decided to take a walk/bike ride to this park that is a little distance from our house because Matt had never been and its cool and different then the one that we live right next to.  So Carina was pretty cautious on her bike generously applying the brakes when she went faster then a snail pace but for some reason she threw caution to the wind at the top of this hill.  As I was doing the mental math, factoring in being 4 months pregnant and wearing thongs Matt sprang into action and swooped Carina off her bike, they both took a little tumble down the hill. Carina scrapped her chin and Matt ended up with a bloody knee and elbow, he then proceeded to carry her all the way home because she was too shaken to walk.  Watching Carina go sailing down that hill scared me a bit as well.  I think as a parent two of the most important things you can do are prevent head trauma and disfigurement of which I saw both possibilities if she had not been stopped. I have not been anxious to push it since.  But maybe it was the new found sense of accomplishment or my realization I have not been pushing her hard enough but she has gotten really brave and was racing her bike up and down the street so I told her I was taking off her training wheels and they were not going to go back on, and she agreed.

After our second attempt at riding without the training wheels she is getting it, so long as she doesn't start thinking about how she is actually doing it.  I realize she kinda learns things like me.  You can show me something and explain how its done but it isn't until I try to do it come up with a whole new theory about how it should work that I am finally able to do it.   I am so proud of her and she is so proud of herself it is awesome.  AND the biggest part of it , for me anyway, is witnessing her stick to itness and her positive self talk.  Like "I'm gonna do this because because I can do this"and " I'm gonna ride this like I'm the best".