Thursday, December 16, 2010

Holiday Performance

Today is the first in a lifetime of missed opportunities. This would be Travis weekend and after Carina's performance he likely would have taken her for the weekend. Carina really wanted her dad there tonight. I really wanted Travis there tonight. Those of you who are reading this blog and love the muse of it, Cherise her, undeniably. But the love a parent has for their child can only be shared between the parents. I no longer have a co-parent to whisper to or give a knowing glace to during these moments of shear parental pride.

I invited Olin, Travis brother, to come along. He has agreed to try to step in a fill in the huge gap that has been left by Travis passing. I am so thankful for his presents tonight. Facing the performance by myself is more then I could have barred today.

I checked the battery before this started but didn't think about all the space that was taken up on the memory card... Carina's random photos of the dog, me texting, her eye, my yoga mat, the cabinets, the carpet..............

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Goodbye


I have to say goodbye for the last time to the man who loved me to the best of his abilities for nearly 14 years. I have to say goodbye the man who gave me our buggy. I would have made our last goodbye last longer if I would have known. I would have told you that despite the eventual end to our relationship as husband and wife that I loved you. I loved the part of you who loved our daughter ferociously. I loved the part of you who could outfit a friend for whatever outdoor endeavor you could convince them to go on at a moments notice. I loved the part of you who always made sure my backpack was packed, even if I thought I was taking WAY to much stuff. I loved the part of you who after 14 years could still come up with little sayings that I had never heard before that would always make me giggle. You'd always be like "what" and always say "I just don't know where you come up with these things". I loved the public persona that you were able to put on. I loved that you could find common ground with a stranger and strike up a conversation. I loved your trusting nature that once caused you to give a stranger $20.00 because he swore he just needed to borrow it. I loved that part of you who used to be able to make the best of a situation. Like camping out in the cab of a truck because when we arrived at our campsite it was pouring down rain. I loved that you helped me experience life. I would never have skied without you, I would never have snorkeled the San Juan's or the Caribbean without you. I would have never kayaked without you. I would never have boogie boarded if it wasn't for you.

I am choosing today to focus on the good times we shared as a family. It is these moments that I will hold in my heart forever and relish in retelling Carina.

Thank you for being in Carina and I's life if only for so short a time.




















Saturday, June 26, 2010

Run for Congo

So as I explained in my previous post Run for Congo was my June run and it started off being a run that Travis and I were gonna do then it fit nicely with Took and I's commitment to one run a month for the rest of the year so Took was going to join us, and then I thought who cool it would be to do with my sister in law Megan because she has gotten into this whole running thing to and this race is about the sisterhood of women so I had Megan, then I enlisted a friend from work as well as my friend Ramata who was the whole catalyst for even doing this run. I could of had team Tamara (or something more inspiring).

Well Travis dropped out pretty quickly and he went kayaking this morning. Took realized a few weeks ago that she wasn't going to be able to be there. The my coworker got bronchitis on Thursday (I guess that is a pretty good reason not to run 3 miles) and then as I am walking to the race this morning Ramata texted me saying she was not feeling well so she wasn't going to make it.

But I had Megan the one person I could depend on to run with today. Our cheering section consisted of our 4 children, her husband( and my brother) Jeremy and my mom.

It was a beautiful run through Forest Park. We ran along side a creek and up up up the hillside. It was straight up but the turning around and heading down was all that much better.
There was a fun run for the kids which I had intended on running with Leila Megan Carina and I....but about 3/4 of the way back Leila came running by and then another 50 feet was Jeremy and Carina. Apparently the girls were tired of waiting and took off.
It was great run for a great cause. Thank you Megan for doing it with me.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Run for Congo

Last year about this time I got a chance to supervise my unit at work. I knew I really wanted to try something different after doing casework for nearly 6 years at the time. And when my then supervisor announced she was going out on medical leave I was excited to give supervision a try. I really enjoyed it, I was so fortunate to have a wonderful team who was very cohesive and cared about the work that we do everyday. Shortly into my supervisor stint the temp in the unit was hired permanently by another branch. It wasn't a surprise, I had given her a glowing recommendation when her to be supervisor called because I actually support people growing and I knew this was the opportunity for her. So as a result I got to try out hiring. It wasn't really the long drawn out state process, just me and the branch manager sitting down with some people who were interested in temping for the agency. We meant only with two people. The first guy was great but it just wasn't the right fit. Then in comes Ramata. A women I will never forget. She had just recently graduated from the school of social work at PSU and speaks at least 5 languages including English, french and two African dialects. Ramata was born and raised in Africa and her mother grew up in the Congo. But this was not something we covered during the interview but rather something I learned later. The branch manager and I decided that Ramata was the right women for the job. She was bright, articulate and compassionate. I was so excited to call her and invite her to work for me. She was and is an amazing caseworker but want I didn't really know when I hired her was what an incredible friend she would become. She is the type of person who will tell you like it is but is the first person to sing your praises when you are worthy of singing about. I like people with big personalities, just look at my husband Travis and my best friend Took. I am attracted to people who are interesting and make the world a special place because they are here. But that is all for another post. I digress. So after forging this friendship with Ramata she invited me to a fundraiser dinner at her church. I invited Travis along and we awkwardly sat down at our table we are not religious people and we do not typically have social engagements let alone in Northeast Portland. But we were soon joined by a lovely women named Ann Shannon. She started off talking with us about her unfortunate luck of having her purse stolen earlier that day(not in Northeast Portland). But then we got to talking about the Run for Congo. And maybe it is just me but when someone says something once I sometimes pretend like I know what they are talking about but then she brought it up again and so I asked "what is the run for Congo" and so Ann proceeded to tell us about her daughter Laura Shannon and the book that she had written chronicling the plight of the Congolese women. Horrible atrocities which are so unthinkable to the average American women that are common place in the Congo. I knew by the end of our dinner that Ann had been placed at our table for a reason. Travis gave her money for the cause and I knew that I would run in the the Run for Congo. This was such an amazing cause in general but to know someone who's own cultural experience was a part of the Congo made this so meaningful.

I along with my dear friend Took have pledge to run at least one run every month until the end of this year. Last month was the Rum run which was so much fun and my first actual race that I have ever done. But I had such a sense of accomplishment afterwards and I have really enjoyed my run/walks that I have managed to incorporate into my life over the last few months. I never saw myself as a runner. But it has been my solice in a very turbulent time in my life(again a subject for another post that I can't even imagine how I am going to actually write) But running has been what is keeping me grounded and sane I can just put one foot in front of the other and just move forward and it feels so free. So the Run for Congo means so much to me right now and I encourage all of you within range to participate.
http://www.runforcongowomen.org/

and if you can't then donate for an exceptionally worthy cause.

http://www.active.com/donate/RFCWportland2010/THowlet2

Pictures to follow

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Books From the Heart


It is that time of year again: Books From the Heart
It is a month long campaign to get books into the hands of foster children in Oregon. Books can either be donated to your favorite child welfare worker (that's me) OR donate at Barnes and noble. The have suggestions right there at the check out stand. For every NEW children's or young adult's book you donate your will receive a $10.00 dinner certificate good at any of the McCormick and Schmick's restaurants.
Today was the kick off event and my favorite reading partner and I went to the Clackamas Barnes and Noble where we met up with a few special readers.

There was Margarete Carter, the Deputy Director of DHS, so like the boss of my boss's boss's boss. Ms. Carter was a long time US Senator prior to coming to DHS.

Then Elmo came out and shared story time with the kids and lead them on a Parade around the store. There was a photop but Carina was not going anywhere near that.

And then Mr Jeff "Wednesday child" Gianola came out and read a bunch of storeys.
The film crew never showed up so I shot a little footage myself.
I was so proud of her for being so brave and going up there to sit with Jeff and have her story read.

So donate! All throughout the month of May. Books are an amazing gift to share with a child.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Bad Romance by Lady Gaga featuring Carina

This video does not need any introduction. Carina loves Lady Gaga, who to say the least we don't wish our daughter to be emulating but before this she was going around singing Womanizer by Brittany Spears.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Hair by Tamara

This kid has always had hair , she was born with a head full and never really lost it.
And it grew and grew and it was long and shiny and so pretty.....

So cute......

So what did I decide to do, cut it. Cut it all off into a stacked bob.
This picture doesn't really do it justice
That's better.

Cute and very practical cause daddy was getting her ready in the morning and this is a NO fuss haircut. But I grew very sad that I didn't have my little girl's hair to play with and so one day Carina finally took pity on me and convinced me to "let me grow it out".

So the condition was we will grow it out but you have to let me style it.
There are some really great hair blogs that leave us mother not from Utah feel completely inadequate. But I tried.....

This was all I could manage until she got some length to it. That and the twistees which I can't she seem to find a picture of which I have now found out in the hair blogging community are called Sherk Ears.
Sometimes it was a hot mess.....that took way to long.

I have really been working on my braiding abilities. Which love ya mom but I did not learn from you. She once took me to a hair salon to get a simple french braid, hey but at least she tried to make me happy.

We call this Sherk Ears with wisps.
I love that little face and I love when I find it under all that hair. I finally understand my mother was always sweeping my hair out of my face, just so I could tuck it back out from behind my ear.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Disneyworld

Here are some of the pictures from Disney world.

This picture pretty much sums up Travis's feeling about going on the whole trip.
Carina on the carousel, I think she rode it like 20 time, only a slight exaggeration.
Of course we went on the teacups and Travis steered.
Hands down the happiest I saw him on the trip.
wow I thought we were going to fly off the track
I had a little time before we went to SeaWorld where we had a private party one night so I fixed up Carina's hair. One of the great joys of having a girl.

Princess Carina in front of Princess Cinderella's castle. I have a nearly identical picture from when we went when Carina was 15 months old.

Carina got her Mickey Mouse Ear pancakes!











I met up with some bugs.















A fish at the Rain forest cafe took a particular interest in grandma's shirt that resembled his food.











All in all we had a great time, with great company and we are planning our next great escape.