Living Simply

You know that game you played when you are younger where you and your friends say what you would take if you were going to be stranded on a dessert island?  Packing to come here was exactly like that.  As it turns out  I would bring a lot of clothes that were whittled down to the bare necessities several times, my Cuisinart food processor and blender, cupcake pans, battery charger plus batteries, lots and lots of assorted over the counter medications and as much of the kids vitamins I could gather, toys for the kids and medical school supplies.  Everything else was donated to Goodwill, Salvation Army, ARC or the community Warehouse.  There were keepsakes that got distributed amongst my parents, brother and Carina's grandma.  I did not realize just how much stuff we had acquired in that house in the ten years I lived there. Going through everything in that home taught me a lot about what really matters.  I would recommend it to everyone, pretend you have limited space and examine everything in your home, does it have a function, have you used it reasonably recently and does it have a place?  If you cant answer yes to all the questions then consider letting it go.  I am not advising discarding things with honest to goodness sentimental value, I can't think of what function Carina's second lost tooth will every have but it made it's way into the"please mom and dad store this stuff for me" pile.  I more mean do you need a handbag to go with every pair of shoes?  Do you need pants that haven't fit you in 10 years?  Do you really need 4 T.V.'s?  I found that as I shed items from my house my life was less complicated I simply had less to clean and put back or find a place for.  A huge huge issue for me was toys, not mine but Carina's she had very literally a room full of toys when she really only reads books, plays on her computer or draws, all of the things she really used would fit in a 12 x 12 box.  But for a lot of reason's that I am not going to go into in this post I have piled toys on her.  More then she certainly could manage which meant I cleaned her room because she really couldn't.   I'd given her to much stuff to manage.  I also realized two days before my plan was set to leave Portland that I was way to attached to my clothes.  I made several edits in the clothes I packed over the 12 days we spent in Texas, enough to free an entire suitcase for toys for the kids.

Now living on this island I realize even more so what I can live without. We have no car, hot water only in the bathroom, no dishwasher, no clothes dryer, a propane stove and oven, just barely enough flat wear and dishes to eat a meal, and a couple of cutting boards and knives. It took a week of shopping to get enough food in the house that I am not in complete panic every time my kids look at me with hungry eyes.  Every time I think to complain I just remember, there are those who have less, our neighbor has no running water and no electricity.  He lives entirely off his land.  Because we have less it has given us the time to engage with each other rather then engage with our stuff in proximity to each other.

Pumpkin Loaf

Cooking on Dominica for me has been an adventure.  Back in the U.S. I always found great recipes and man oh man could I follow them. I enjoy cooking and felt a great sense of pride and accomplishment if I put on a feast.  But on Dominica where you may have to find the ingredients for one dish in several stores plus the market putting any dinner on the table feels like an accomplishment.  Fortunately my sponsor who is suppose to aid us newbie spouses on our journey here brought us cinnamon rolls for our first breakfast and brought soup for dinner along with some kitchen supplies she knew would aid me.  So far I have made Spaghetti, fried eggs and salmon.  But I am most proud of last nights dinner which I threw together without any recipe, Matt called it my Tamaralia but it just consisted on rice, bean, corn, shrimp and some spices.

As said I can follow a recipe, but rarely do I delve into being too creative with that recipe.  It was gobbled up by all, full bellies have come back into our reality.

So today I decided to follow the recipe in the cookbook of the dietitian at Ross, that I received at her presentation about foods of Dominica.  Although, I followed a recipe all the ingredients came from scratch, no canned pumpkin puree or jars of spices here. 

   

 The pumpkin, eggs cinnamon and nutmeg all came from the market that I went to on Saturday at 5:30 in the morning which meant I walked the 20 or so minutes to campus in the dark.  While at the market I was treated to being felt up by another shopper, not since junior high have I felt so special.

The other ingredients to this recipe came from IGA, Tina’s market and my sponsor.  

I think I will pack up a few of these to take to feed the family for Carina and Matt’s lunch at school. 

I hate this hour

After Matt leaves I know it will be a series of battles.  I know I will eventually win because children can only fight sleep for so long.  But it starts with the warning to Carina that her bedtime is approaching.  She will whine that she wants more time, that I am not being nice because she should get to stay up, a request for food because she is starving even though she can get food at anytime( that is before it is actually time to go to bed) today she even told me she didn't love me.  As much as I try to subscribe to love and logic parenting and I did say to her that I thought that that was too bad because I only do nice things for people who love me, it still stung.  She quickly came back with "I am sorry" and" I didn't mean i"t and" I just wanted to say it" and "I want you to know I am sorry" with lots of hugs. 

After we settle that it is in fact her bedtime as it always is on a school night at 8 we have the drama about what she is going to wear because she can never find PJ's even though they have a place in her closet and there is nearly always nightclothes for her to wear. 

Then it is night time story which I enjoy if it weren't for the fact that Logan is also getting sleepy and and whinny and most likely has been whinny since Matt left.  So reading a book with a squirmy whinny little baby on my lap kinda diminishes the fun. 

Then it is lights out inevitably there will be a reemergence of the blue eyed monster because she needs to go potty, a glass of water, a hug, a kiss, to tell me something really important that is an emergency, that more often the not its something like Rosita sat next to me at lunch.   Each time she comes out I send her back and after the first I start adding it to the minutes earlier that she will have to go to bed the next night.  Sometimes this results in her crying because that is what she does when she is overly  tired and then I just feel bad and I want to swoop her up and kiss her and sooth it all away.  Which more ofter then not I do because I love that little bug. 

BUT all the while Logan is fussy, and if he gets to fussy he does this thing where he wants to nurse only to pull away like I am trying to feed him poison.  He eventually losses that battle because thankfully his little body is even less equipped at fighting off sleep. 

But eventually they will both fall asleep and I will have a chance to breath....that is until the dishes that have multiplied since dinner start calling. 

I can do it

Recently my co-worker was talking about how her goal was for her God-Son to learn to tie his shoes and ride a two wheeler by the end of school, and he did...well he is still working on the bike but it is coming, and he is 4. I realized I was in trouble, I have not set the bar high enough for my sweet daughter who is 6.  I went home that day and handed Carina a shoe and sat across from her with a shoe and explained that it was time and that we were gonna work on this everyday for 5 minuted until she got it.  She didn't exactly get it on the first day, I tie my shoes with one loop and it was obvious that the two loop technique made more sense for her.  But on the second day she had it in about 30 seconds.  I suddenly realized I was holding her back by not challenging her.  I'd fall to the floor everyday and tie her shoes and really never told her that I expected her to learn.  I think this is probably pretty common for only children their parents due for them because you can.  But I informed her I would not be tying her shoes again.  And the next day when they came undone in Fred Meyers I stood there while she fell to the ground next to the cheese and I waited and she did it this time.

Along with shoe tying I knew we needed to work on riding her bike without the training wheels.  I am 100% confident that she would already be doing had it not been what transpired a year ago.  We, decided to take a walk/bike ride to this park that is a little distance from our house because Matt had never been and its cool and different then the one that we live right next to.  So Carina was pretty cautious on her bike generously applying the brakes when she went faster then a snail pace but for some reason she threw caution to the wind at the top of this hill.  As I was doing the mental math, factoring in being 4 months pregnant and wearing thongs Matt sprang into action and swooped Carina off her bike, they both took a little tumble down the hill. Carina scrapped her chin and Matt ended up with a bloody knee and elbow, he then proceeded to carry her all the way home because she was too shaken to walk.  Watching Carina go sailing down that hill scared me a bit as well.  I think as a parent two of the most important things you can do are prevent head trauma and disfigurement of which I saw both possibilities if she had not been stopped. I have not been anxious to push it since.  But maybe it was the new found sense of accomplishment or my realization I have not been pushing her hard enough but she has gotten really brave and was racing her bike up and down the street so I told her I was taking off her training wheels and they were not going to go back on, and she agreed.

After our second attempt at riding without the training wheels she is getting it, so long as she doesn't start thinking about how she is actually doing it.  I realize she kinda learns things like me.  You can show me something and explain how its done but it isn't until I try to do it come up with a whole new theory about how it should work that I am finally able to do it.   I am so proud of her and she is so proud of herself it is awesome.  AND the biggest part of it , for me anyway, is witnessing her stick to itness and her positive self talk.  Like "I'm gonna do this because because I can do this"and " I'm gonna ride this like I'm the best".

Medical School

The Hensley's are headed to Medical School in Dominica at Ross University. Matt's deferment came through for January 2013. There is a lot to be done to get ready and a long list of supplies and books that need to be purchased. It will be an adventure for all of us, Carina will be attending the private school that is located on the University campus. Logan and I plan to pick fruit and go to the market everyday. I am excited about swimming in the warm ocean with my kiddos and enjoying the setting sun, when he can, with my husband.

I know you aren’t suppose to speak ill of the dead and it feels like if I go on to much about how much I love my husband that I am somehow sullying his memory to those in my life who knew and loved Travis. The truth is I shy away from expressing to you how each and everyday I am grateful that Matt found his way into my life. I know how everyone loved Travis and so the depth of the pain that he inflicted on me is my cross to bare. And if you think you have an idea of what it was like to be married to Travis trust me you don’t. Or at least I hope you don’t. I hope that I hid my pain well enough from those in my life. I hope that no one else has to experience the anguish and loss of self that I experienced. For those of you who think you know because I let you in, you really don’t know either. And this isn’t some big attempt to illicit sympathy because I didn’t want it then and I don’t need it now. I kept you at a safe distance from my pain because I was not yet prepared to act. It was also easier to just carry on if I wasn’t open and honest with people. But I also want you to understand that I loved Travis, I loved him as he loved me to the best of my ability for 13 years. And the day I got a text message stating that Travis had killed himself shook me to my core. I cried out to my father who couldn’t do anything as he was on the other end of the phone. I grieved that day for a loss that felt as though someone had ripped a whole in me. Even as I write this my chest aches. I can only imagine what that was like for my father who loves me but who was also experiencing a loss of his own.

I feel like my love for Mathew is overshadowed by the grief you still feel for Travis. I don’t want you to think of the pain he inflicted on me when you think of Travis. I simply want you to also remember the love you have in your heart for me. I want you to fully embrace the love I have now in my life. Mathew came into my life when I had a huge emotional gash. He could have run away from the serious baggage, a recent divorce to a suicidal ex-husband, a daughter and my emotional turmoil, no one would have blamed him and his friends encouraged him to do just that.

But he and I both knew from the very beginning of our relationship that our individual journeys in life were designed to bring us together. I wake up every morning so grateful that he is my husband and I know that he has that same sense of awe. Our love for each other is easy, we anticipate each other’s needs seamlessly. Mathew is the only one who has seen all my scars and, although I can’t say that I am without any effects, he has healed me. And as sad as it is that you haven’t fully embraced Mathew sadder still is that you are losing out on a relationship with his son, my son, who is no less apart of me then Carina.

Sibling Love

I have always wanted two children. I got my beautiful daughter which, though I would have denied it at the time, was exactly what I wanted. And now I have my handsome son. I knew a big sister would take on a little mommy role and love her baby brother. What I didn't count on was the sweetness of their exchanges. Logan freely gives smiles and coos to his big sister. No matter where she is in the room, no matter how much he has to strain his neck he loves to watch just her. I would have thought 6 years was a bit too much of a spread but life does not always hand you what you think you need or think best.

I am excited to see them grow up together, Carina always leading the way but always looking back to make sure Logan is following.